What if you don't want to study? What if I don't want to study or work. Psychological and physical problems, ways to solve them If you don't want to study further

Studying is not easy, but each person has to learn a lot if he wants to achieve something in this life. But any person will agree with the statement that sometimes you just don’t want to study, you want to do whatever you want, but just don’t sit down for notes, textbooks, materials, etc. Better even to start working or even rest, because study is a difficult business. Today our site will tell you how you can force yourself to learn, and not just force, but then remember everything that you learned. After this article, you will receive an answer to a frequently asked question: “I don’t want to learn what to do?

One of the most effective ways to force yourself to learn is through the right motivation. Good motivation affects the human mind. It is worth noting that everyone has a mind, only some do not want to make it work at full strength. If you do not want to learn, you should immediately use your mind.

You need to motivate yourself with those things that will really affect you. Education means prestige, great connections in the future, education, excellent work, etc. Remember that if you drop out now, there will be jobs in the future that you won't like, jobs that you will hate. But it all depends on you, if you take your mind and continue your studies, then you can quickly move up the career ladder. If you do not want to live and develop, then this article will allow you to comprehend all your actions for the future.

Try to generate interest in learning

Some people enjoy learning only because they receive a lot of new, interesting, unique information. They learn in ways they just can't get bored. And this can be learned by every person. For example, you are sitting over a psychology textbook and you think: “I don’t want to learn what to do? How to remember all these terms, paragraphs? " But try thinking a little differently. If there is a topic, try to present it in practice. If this is the psychology of a child, find a familiar child and practice on him, translate theoretical knowledge into life. If you have to learn botany, go outside, to the park and do this lesson there, in nature. Don't want to learn yet? Then make the subject as interesting as possible on your part.

Laziness is a bad habit

If none of the above methods help, think seriously about the degree of your laziness. This is very important for you and your future. If you constantly want to sleep, you have no interest in anything (and this applies not only to study), then be sure that laziness is firmly entrenched within you. Laziness is a bad habit that must be fought, and the sooner the better. The best proverb for such people is: "I don't want to study, but I want to get married." Pull yourself together, try to motivate yourself correctly, and force yourself to do at least something. Otherwise, it may end sadly - too lazy people not only do not graduate from higher institutions, they then do not work anywhere, and lead a terrible life. Do you want this? If not, start your studies!

Remove everything that distracts

In most cases, we are not so much disgusted with learning as we just enjoy doing something else. TV, art books, magazines, telephone, and of course the Internet distract from studying. Therefore, you must remove all these things from yourself so that they do not tempt you. You are still asking the question: “I don’t want to learn what to do?”, And you have not tried to turn off the Internet during your studies? At first it will be difficult to distance yourself from all these things, but then it will become a habit. Trust me, learning will become easier right away.

Find a personal leader

What does the site site mean? Yes, everything is very simple - find the person who will regularly monitor you. It's no secret that not everyone succeeds in learning on their own. Therefore, for many people it is important that someone check his work. Let this personal leader even give you grades, tell you what you managed to do, and what could have been improved, etc. It is important that this person enjoys authority with you, otherwise you will not listen to him, and eventually abandon your studies again. The leader should also take care of your studies, in no case should he say the following: "Well, since you don't want to study, then you don't need to." Its main task is to motivate you, to do everything possible so that the study does not stop. For someone, at some point, personal life is more interested in than studying, so you should pay attention to this one.

As you can see, learning is not always so easy and simple. Often we stop halfway and cannot successfully complete our studies. We hope that all the tips that we have offered you will help you in this difficult task. After all, study is really important for every person if he wants to grow up as an educated, developed, intelligent and something worthwhile person. And if you do not want to learn, then all this will not be about you!

Skipina Anastasia for the site

Hello reader! I think that every student will agree with me if I declare with confidence that thoughts like: “I don’t want to study at a university: what should I do?” visit quite often, especially during the session. Of course, someone may say that this is a fundamentally wrong approach to learning and complete irresponsibility, but every student has the right to blues, and not necessarily a higher educational institution.

Any student has the right to "slack", but do not dwell on such decadent thoughts for a long time, otherwise they will become an obsession.

If you, the reader, paid attention to this publication, it means that all is not lost yet, and the desire to return the goal of becoming a graduate is still present, albeit remotely.

So why not look for a way out of this situation together, because, as you know: "One head is good, but two are much better."

Causes of learning apathy

Before taking any radical action in your further student life, it is important to understand what is the cause of such depression. It is possible that, having found "Root of all evil", the mood will noticeably improve, and the desire to continue studies will return again and will not leave for a long time.

From my own experience, I’ll say that I had such a blues on every course, and every time the reason was the most unexpected. Having systematized my memories and having studied the stories of students I know, I can safely tell about the reasons for not wanting to continue my studies. As a rule, they are trivial and do not require deep philosophical knowledge.

1. Broken heart.

For the most part, student love is an integral part of the educational process, it is not for nothing that they say that the university stands for “getting married successfully” (and this truth also applies to men). So this is why young people get to know each other, communicate, start touching romantic relationships and cannot imagine their future life without each other, they make joint plans for the future. When these plans are broken about everyday life, the separation from your soulmate ends not only with the desire to leave the university, but also with the unwillingness to live.

2. A sense of the highest injustice.

Many modern students do not perceive the leadership of the teacher, trying to prove their case in all lectures and practical classes. However, sometimes the "teachers", being tough nuts, know how to put the upstart and the impudent in their place, and they do it publicly. Such a blow to self-esteem provokes depression and blues, and the desire to study further disappears altogether.

3. Financial stability.

Today, many students skillfully combine work and study, and when the latter brings stability and material independence, the meaning of the precious "crust" is completely lost. Another question arises: “Why do I need this study, when I already know my future specialty and have a specific job”?

4. Session.

Before passing the exams, the increased mental load takes all the strength, and the student, looking at the mountains of reference literature, only has a desire to sleep and never go to university again. As a rule, this is a temporary phenomenon, and after passing the exam it seems that he is ready to move mountains. Such depression occurs more often on the eve and during the winter session, because in this "cold season" of the year, the "hormone of happiness" prevails in deficit.

5. Mediocre studies.

If a student does not enjoy the educational process, and only goes to university for the sake of the "crust" and the peace of mind of his parents, then the desire to quit studies visits him almost every morning, when the alarm clock makes him get out of bed and interrupts the sweet dream.

So now it is quite obvious what motivates a student when, unexpectedly for himself, he loses the meaning of future studies. If it is temporary, then there is no cause for concern; but, when such "suicidal thoughts" are visited almost every day, it builds up to be alarmed and revise their usual student life.

The power of motivation

Each student can independently get out of this feeling of apathy, or timely use the help of relatives and friends. For example, a warm conversation with friends helped me, but for someone it is more like a full sleep and a change of scenery. Whatever a student does or undertakes, he should not drop out.

This is where it is necessary to recall the motivation that brought him to these university walls a few years ago. It is important to brush up on the values ​​that were put into the head upon admission, as well as those goals that were set in the first year.

Is a primitive blues capable of disrupting the usual routine of life and crossing out all further career and prospects?

How to get your love of learning back?

I often wondered this question, but I realized that giving advice to someone is stupid, because each student chooses for himself the way to get out of their depression. A person is, first of all, an individuality, therefore, what affects some does not help others.

But I nevertheless decided to push the students, lost in myself, on a certain path of truth, and to give them a unique opportunity to still get a diploma of higher education. So it is not worth it, reader, to ignore these tips.

1. If a student feels that his head is boiling with new knowledge received in unlimited quantities, it's time to tell yourself "stop" until an allergy appeared to study. It is recommended to take a break, relax, and then plunge into the world of science and reference literature with renewed vigor and a fresh head. Such short breaks allow you to forget about study for a while, which means that one day they will not cause apathy and even a feeling of deep disgust to her.

2. When there is a feeling of "cloying" from studying, it's time change scenery, and spend the weekend not with notes, but with friends or in nature, for example. Such changes in the usual routine allow you to escape from the walls of the university and dull subjects, but the memories of a pleasant time later will inspire you for the most unexpected actions for a long time. Among them, the desire to receive a diploma with honors or pass an exam only for excellent grades.

3. Set yourself a new goal... This is necessary so that study does not cause boredom, but, on the contrary, is a "stimulator" of excitement and the desire to learn something new. So why not invite the teacher to organize another scientific project in order to show himself and not die of boredom?

Such salvation from the blues helps to find a new incentive for excellent students, but mediocre students, on the contrary, can lead to a feeling of deep depression and significantly worsen academic performance. So it is recommended to use this method only if you are confident in your mental abilities.

4. Oddly enough, it helps many students to regain the desire to learn. love... Indeed, this bright feeling inspires and inspires to exploits, therefore, you will immediately want to live, create and receive new knowledge in your specialty. So why not combine business with pleasure, especially since there is very little time left to study - a maximum of five years.

5. You can always change your choice... If a student suddenly realized that he had chosen the wrong specialty, then you should not torment yourself with meaningless lectures and knowledge, which in life will only bring blues and complete disappointment.

You need to understand yourself, and then make a fateful step in favor of future self-realization and change the mistakenly chosen specialty. Do not think that this is impossible, because real miracles can happen in universities, you just need to go to the dean's office and find the main magician.

So now it is obvious that everything is not as bad as it might seem at first glance. The main thing is to find a way out for yourself that will allow you to remember why this long journey of five (maximum six) years was started.

If one fine day the desire to study at a university has disappeared, then you should not "cut it off from the shoulder", but for a start it is advisable to understand yourself. To do this, go to sick leave, get enough sleep and change the environment, airing your thoughts. Make decisions only consciously and with a bright mind, since momentary weakness can become a fatal mistake in fate.

In addition, it does not hurt to consult with older comrades, who have experienced such a depressive situation more than once during the educational process. Perhaps not everything is so bad, and the experience of the "experienced" will definitely help to get back on track.

You can also discuss your problem with the curator, since it is this person who is not indifferent to your fate.

As a rule, competent teachers not only excellently read their subject, but are also subtle psychologists. This is exactly what you should take advantage of, the main thing is to choose a convenient time for a conversation.

And the last thing: it will not hurt to visit caring parents about your blues, perhaps they will give good advice and help you find a way out of this unpleasant situation. If the thought: “I don’t want to study: what to do?” does not leave, it is possible that it is time to change something in your life.

However, before taking drastic measures, you should pay attention to all the above recommendations and, for your own peace of mind, test them in practice.

What if it helps?

But on the other hand: isn't it time to think about the meaning of life, maybe these are all signs of fate? Or maybe radical changes are coming in your life? And, nevertheless, my advice: "You should not become a fatalist, and do not quit your studies in any case."

Conclusion: Within the framework of this article, you learned about what to do if you don't want to study at a university... We wish you to stop moping, pull yourself together and go ahead, for new successes and victories!

P.S. How do you deal with the fact that sometimes you don't feel like learning? Share your secrets.

P.P.S. Happy student's day, dear reader, today is January 25! (the article was published on January 25, 2014)

In general, I study in the 10th grade, well, as I study, I generally sit there. I don't know anything, I'm studying at 2-3. They called the director, there the "psychologist" tried to impose on me different goals in life, they were interested in what I do when I come home from school and what I would do if the school was not there. I replied that I do not know, because I really do not know. Nothing in this world is interesting, I don’t want to learn to work and in general somehow strain. Well, why should I live? Actually, I'm interested in playing Dota, that's all. I started my studies so I don't know what cosines, participles, discriminants are. I could go to college after 9, but I ran away from difficulties, there I could not continue to do nothing, and even 4 years instead of 2 here. Mom says that I am empty, that you cannot talk to me, she says that I am a plant or even worse. Says that I am a punishment, and I am. She also has a friend whose son died at 19, smart and successful, and she says it's a pity that such people leave, but people like me live. Really a pity. Everyone says to set a goal, to achieve it. But I’m too lazy, I’m not interested and I don’t want to. It all started a year ago, before the GIA, but to my surprise I passed it, as there were answers. There was love that year, but then it was as if the darkness overwhelmed me, and I became indifferent to everything. However, I have always not considered love to be a necessary feeling. Mom threatens to pick up the computer, thinks that I will start to study better right away. But no, taking the computer, she will only take the last thing that interests me in life. It doesn't scare me. I do not care.
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Hello! You are a transitional age now, I also had such thoughts then ... You are becoming an adult, you are afraid of the future. You were a carefree child, you really had to strain a little. But you can find many advantages both in work and in adult life, many reasons for joy! Try at least to start trying to determine what you are interested in, what you need in this life. You are now such an inert person, smoothly rolling to the bottom ... Do you respect yourself in such a state? Don't think that suicide is a heroic act. This is a step to oversleep! Do you think that nothingness awaits you after death? No matter how it is! What if hell awaits you? Think about it...

DotA should be quit, because any addiction draws you into a swamp. I know one person who, just like you, misses his whole life due to the fact that he is passionately attached to the computer and Dota. These are all serious addictions ... Dota, other computer games, chronic laziness ... It's all addictive, you need to get out of all this urgently! Determine goals in life and follow these goals. To begin with, at least try to start respecting yourself, doing good deeds for which you will be proud of yourself. And everything will be fine with you.

Remember that your soul is priceless! Fight for her! Even if it's a fight with yourself. After the victory, you will have a reward from life!

d, age: 19 / 22.11.2015

Don't think that suicide is a heroic act. This is a step to oversleep!
-Yes, I don't think so, but what else can I do? Such an act can only be done by cowards like me.

DotA should be quit, because any addiction draws you into a swamp.
-I'm not addicted. But I'm not interested in anything else. If I don't play, then I will not have the incentive to "live this day and play"

Emptiness, age: [email protected] / 22.11.2015

Hello! Boy, do you really like this way of life. You are so young, healthy, the best years pass by, and you don't even notice !!! But the moment will come when there will be a reassessment of values, you will understand that you had to LIVE, but the lost time will not be returned ... Think about your future, how do you see it? Just lying on the couch and that's it? But what about your wife, children, do you really not want to continue your family name, surname? And if you want, then you need education, a decent job in order to be able to provide for your family. Also think about the rollers, this is now, while you are a child, they work, support you, but the moment will come when you change places, they will already need your care, support, provision. Do not stop talking with a psychologist, sort out problems and difficulties together, set priorities, put your thoughts on the shelves, ask questions of interest. And remember, you are an individual, a person, a son, a future man, a father, a protector, and not a plant.

Irina, age: 27 / 22.11.2015

Hello! Boy, do you really like this way of life. You are so young, healthy, the best years pass by, and you don't even notice !!! But the moment will come when there will be a reassessment of values, you will understand that you had to LIVE, but the lost time will not be returned ... Think about your future, how do you see it? what about your wife, children, do you really want to continue your family name, surname? And if you want, then you need education, a decent job in order to be able to provide for your family. Also think about the rollers, this is now, while you are a child, they work, support you, but the moment will come when you change places, they will already need your care, support, provision. Do not stop talking with a psychologist, sort out problems and difficulties together, set priorities, put your thoughts on the shelves, ask questions of interest. And remember, you are an individual, a person, a son, a future man, a father, a protector, and not a plant.

Emptiness, age: 11/22/2015

Hey! There are things that suck. Take life. And they leave emptiness inside. And this is not about age. I read about people obsessed with the game. These were adults, men, women who lived in the game. Everything that happened outside of her did not interest them. And so the years passed. One woman-gamer was asked: how do you get along with children, you have two of them, kindergarten age? She went into the game for 8-10 hours. She says: yes, simple. I'll put milk and cornflakes on the edge of the table. They come up in 2-3 hours and say: Mom, we want to eat. And she: take it there.
Now imagine for a minute how these children felt? Mom seems to be here. Her body is here. And the soul is somewhere far, far away, with other people ... Were they happy? What do you think?
Imagine that your mom would have lived like this. I don't think you would have made it to grade 10 in that case.
it's not about whether you like to study or not. There may be no inclination for science, not scary. It is important how we behave towards those who love us. Mom probably needs help. And you are a grown guy. We need to help. See how the other person is feeling. See his despair, powerlessness. You are a man, so try to behave like a man. Toys are all good, of course. But one must remain a worthy person. To help. Not to be such a dependent who does not work and does not study, but only plays.
Life is 1000 times more interesting than a game. And no one should convince us to be interested in something. Play is a deception, an illusion. Not real life.
If you can, limit yourself. After graduating from school, you can go to at least some courses and earn a living, help your mother. I think she deserves it.
Now even adult men, fathers of families are passionate about the game. So what's good? Life passes by. The game is interesting, the risk - you can also sign up for the sports section, for example. Anything is better than just sitting like that.

Olya, age: 42/23/11/2015

Anxiety growing day by day in front of the impending GIA; love, like mental anguish, some other problems of that time that you did not write about, imperceptibly depleted your resources and led to depression. Do not worry, everything will gradually improve, you will recover over time, but now you understand where the starting point of unbearable mental stress for you begins. The memory is now weak, because of which the assimilation of the material is worse, but you can improve assimilation if you treat the sine-cosines with interest and spend the limit of thinking limited by depression not on games but on educational material. I advise you to sit down and slowly, delving into, with interest, re-read the textbook from the very beginning. Your letter is competently and consistently composed, then you are a smart guy, you can handle it. Do not be offended by your mother, she does not know about your condition, explain to her everything and that these are temporary difficulties. In fact, in college it is easier to study and pass exams, and a profession is acquired, and you would come to spiritual equilibrium faster. find a favorite, not stressing your nerves, recognition by loved ones, friendship and love!

Larisa, age: 51/23/11/2015

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“How did you leave? Why?!" - I hear this phrase every time I try to answer the question of why I am not at the university now. "You probably had something bad happened, because of what you had to leave, right?" Of course, no one just leaves the university, right? Or not?

Realizing that, apart from such a reaction, my departure will not cause anything else, I try not to answer this question or to avoid discussions, because everyone considers it his duty to tell me that I did the wrong thing. Over time, I realized that there is no point in being ashamed of my decision, especially if I believe that I did it 100% right.

Therefore, I want to tell you why the university in its current state is not what I, you and your children need.

We want to be like the rest

Think about what happens in schools with children who wear glasses or are trying to study well. At best, they will not be accepted into the company of "cool", at worst - the main goal of this company will be to make their life unbearable. But, of course, what do they like to say there? "They're children, they don't understand." Well, yes, they do not understand.

So, from the very childhood, we want to be the same as others. What do “everyone else” do after school? They are trying to get into the university. Preferably on a budget. If this succeeds, the maximum goal is achieved. If not, then your parents will have to spend thousands of dollars on your education, or choose an educational institution that is simpler - a technical school or a trendy college, which, in fact, is the same technical school.

The time begins, which is spoken of as the best time in a person's life, meaning, of course, not study. But rather that you will drink (a lot), communicate with the opposite sex and sometimes go to class, trying to sit out at least half. After rereading this paragraph, I realized that it didn’t sound so bad.

And that's enough for most. They forget about how much time goes into emptiness, how much money is spent on studies that do not bring any benefit. For example, I did not study at the most expensive university in Ukraine, and during this time 7,000 dollars were spent on study alone. I think this is my parents' biggest investment in me. Was it justified? Alas.

Studying at university is not the only way

How many courses could I attend with this money? Courses of real professionals who have devoted decades of their work, who adore what they do and are ready to share useful knowledge. How many books could you buy? I will end up with trivial questions, you already know the answer.

Studying at a university no longer guarantees professional success in the future.

One of the reasons for this is motivation. When we do what we like, we are guided. That is, we like the process itself. Money, encouragement, or praise fades into the background. After all, you must agree, it is much more pleasant to be engaged in business and to enjoy not only the reward, but also from the process itself.

Unfortunately, the university is taking a completely different path. Learning involves boredom, monotony and lack of interest, all for the sake of an ephemeral figure in a paper magazine. And if these ephemeral numbers are good, then in five years you can get an ephemeral red plastic paper. It's worth living for.

This is akin to drinking cola for a long time and forgetting that you can quench your thirst with water. Or when you drive a car for a long time and forget that you can walk to a cafe from work. The same is with the university.

We forget that the learning process itself, and then the work itself, can be enjoyable.

I have a friend who also left the university. Four years of study at the university made it possible to understand that he wants something different. In his case, it's design. Only six months of intensive self-study, several unsuccessful attempts to get a job, and he still works as a web designer. This is not the company of his dreams yet, but definitely one of the steps on the road to it. This example is very inspiring.

Doesn't mean that you have to lock yourself in a room and not contact other people. Seminars, conferences, people with similar interests - you have a huge number of ways to communicate with interesting people, and most importantly, to learn. When you study not for a reward in the future, but simply because you enjoy it, the process itself is insanely interspersed.

I was finally able to articulate what I dislike the most about university:

There is no passion in university studies.

Moreover, if you come there with your passion, it will surely be beaten off from you. Universities in their current state are killing the desire to learn. This even applies to medicine, which the advocates of standard education are so fond of citing. In my city, the medical university has long earned a reputation as the most bribery educational institution. Remember this when you come to see a young specialist.

Wouldn't it be more logical to choose interesting items yourself? But no, the financier needs to teach philosophy, medicine - the history of economic thought, and the architect - chemistry. Expanding horizons - is that what it's called? I do not want to expand my horizons with useless knowledge multiplied by the teacher's subjectivity.

By learning on your own, you can choose your own path.

Want to learn English? You can create a program that includes watching movies in the original with subtitles, reading English books, learning new words from articles on the Internet, and using Duolingo. This is much better than sitting with Golitsinsky's textbook every day, from which, over time, bouts of nausea begin to appear.

With the advent of services such as, it becomes clear that something needs to be changed in the current education system. Self-education makes it possible to feel that your knowledge is useful and useful in real life. You will not always go forward, sometimes you have to radically change something, but it's still a thousand times better.

Getting a university crust is no longer a safe and far from the most interesting life path. Don't try to be like others, be special and forget that university is the only way. There are others.

Complainingly and pleadingly: "We have a boy, a good one, but we do not know how to make him learn ...". Desperately: "My son is 17, he dropped out of school, he doesn't want anything, help!" Panicky: “When my son says that he won't go to school today, everything inside me grows cold and starts to feel sick. I am terrified". And it’s really crazy: “Katerina, here is a list of requests from teachers for your webinar:“ How to get children interested in a subject that they will not take? How to motivate teenagers to study, they don't need anything? How to convince children that a lot depends on their studies? " And over and over again: "How to get children to do what they are not interested in, do not need, boringly taught and associated with continuous humiliation?"

Well, I know a couple of ways, take your pick.

If "cheap and cheerful",

then everything is very simple: you have to intimidate. It is advisable to start from early childhood: humiliate, constantly compare not in his favor, punish for the slightest mistake, constantly remind that no one is interested in his opinion here, and in case of failure to follow the lessons, predict a career as a janitor. But what am I telling you, you yourself know all this very well! This is what you yourself still wake up from in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. However, your nightmares do not always save your children from such "motivation".

Ruzanna, a young, beautiful woman, cries at the reception: “I understand everything! That it’s impossible with children, that, most likely, I cripple him, but I can’t help myself. Every evening I sit down with him to do homework, and I bring myself and him to tears, to sobs. I'm so scared! He is only 7 years old, he is small! And the teacher says that you don't have to do your homework. But as soon as I see the diary, and there is a red entry in it “No homework!”, I immediately hear my mother’s voice: “Bring the belt!” only the screams of the teacher and this is my mother's, about the belt. " Ruzanna was never able to get a higher education, before the exams she was covered with such a panic that sometimes she had to call an ambulance, she works as a manicure master. But there was definitely no need to motivate her!

And now about the expensive and long way.

First, you have to deal with your own anxiety and guilt. Ideally, this should be done before the birth of children, but I understand that we live in the real world, and not on the cloud, so we will assume that we already have a "difficult" teenager. However, even now it is not too late. Let's start with a simple question: "Where do you see your parenting duty?" So that the child has everything? A full box of pleasant, kind, joyful childhood memories that you did not have? Stop.

You know, for some reason, people who had a really happy childhood - calm, without dramas and serious injuries, sane and enthusiastic relatives - these people are usually not very zealous about how to satisfy all the child's desires.

They are confident that this rather unassuming life with a minimum of entertainment and gifts is good. Well, you know, when they go to the theater a couple of times a season, they buy clothes when the old ones go out of use (and not out of fashion!), And everyone is busy - studying and working. And not because "you can't go anywhere", or it will bring some incredible dividends in the future, but because it is interesting and great to learn new things, strain your strength, and benefit people.

It looks like this is where the main fork is. You asked how to motivate?

You see, what is the matter - when a child is really interested, he is not only motivated, he has to be pulled away from the subject of study.

My parents hid books from me. From my youngest daughter I have to literally lock the guitar, it's a pity that the piano is not locked. And if you take away all the pencils, markers and pens, she will draw on the fogged window glass. Because it is sewn into the very first, deepest layer of the human psyche: the desire to create.

And what do we see in the modern school?

Sit, be quiet, do not open your mouth until they ask you. A set of disordered information, divorced from life (both internal and external), which must be remembered, without understanding, and given back like vomiting.

They (this knowledge) are literally not assimilated, and indeed they cannot be assimilated, because there is no request and no digestible form.

Well, as if you offered a nursing baby to feed on young shoots of gorse, with the reason that, here, the lambs are chewing - and it's okay. Conclusion: if you don't find a teacher who can fall in love with your subject, look for enthusiasts outside the school walls. Rarely, but such people come across. Well, or harness yourself. I know a dad with many children, who nevertheless carved out money from an oversized family budget for a trip to his eight-year-old daughter to France, "so that Anka would understand that the French language exists not only to torment little girls with it."

I hear objections - you will not be interested in all subjects! There will not be enough teachers with a capital "U", no enthusiasm, no money. Agree! But honestly, why do you need your child to be an excellent student?

And if he wants nothing, nothing, well, from the word "absolutely"? If all his interests are in the virtual world of games and social networks? Look how these children live. They are almost nowhere alone, they have no everyday problems, and no skills either, all their needs are fulfilled right there, instantly, no need even to ask loudly, just a hint.

“Sometimes I don't even have time to finish. I'll start something like "But there is such a camp ..." - and that's it, they have already jumped off the spot, as if on a whistle, ran to dig the Internet, look for the best, choose, buy. And they shine: are we really good fellows? Are you glad? No, damn, not happy! I wanted to TALK about what camps are, what is good about them, what to choose ... And I was not going to go anywhere this year! Rather, he was going, but with a friend, and he goes to cheap ones, from the social security, but who will let me go there ... So he stopped stuttering about something at all, well, they are dearer to himself. Besides, they buy things for me, but you still can't use them, it's dangerous. " This is a 15-year-old client of mine about his parents. They brought him in with the same complaint: he doesn't want anything, but it's time to choose a profile and specialty.

Here, it seems, the whole root of the problems is.

Anxiety and guilt make parents rush to fulfill the wishes of their children, without even asking what exactly the child wants now.

We, former Soviet pioneers, all the time think that we have not given something to the child, should he be happy? Why is he sad, or annoyed, or frowning and not talking? As if a person has no right to be unhappy. I ask such hyperresponsible people: how are you yourself? Always happy and happy with everything? No, they answer, of course not, business, worries, sometimes in the evening you don't feel your legs, what happiness there is. “When do you feel good?” - I continue the conversation. The answers, in general, are predictable: when nothing needs to be done, but the children are under control. That is, when it's my fault ("Did you do your homework? Did you wash the dishes? Did you sew the collar for tomorrow?" calmed by fatigue, and anxiety calmed by a visual presence: everyone is at home, safe.

I would like to draw your special attention to the fact that usually energetic and anxious mothers ask the question “how to motivate” about sluggish, apathetic, turned off sons. It's just that these mothers are trying to give their sons what they themselves needed during the difficult time of growing up: support and resource... Forgetting that boys need something completely different: challenge and reward for victory... Next time I will write in detail how to deal with boys and girls separately. In the meantime, I will say that a growing up man needs faith in his strength and admiration. Moms sincerely think that they are helping their son make the right choice when they bring him ready-made printouts with ratings from five universities, and he sees and hears "You are still silly, mom will decide everything herself."

We do not have a calm, serene, attentive gaze of an observer-researcher: what kind of person is my child? What is his character? What is he passionate about? Whom does he choose as his friend and why? Last summer he got up and went to bed with books about insects, disappeared for days at the summer cottage, was ready to talk for hours about rare species of butterflies, and this year he does not even remember them - why? Why did my daughter see herself as an interior designer for five years in a row and suddenly announced that she wanted to switch to an economic profile? All these questions can be asked with anxious and hysterical intonation, or with benevolent curiosity. As if you were asking an unfamiliar but nice guest from afar: "How do you sow rutabagas there, with skin or without?"

So, having gathered information about this stranger, it will be possible to offer him some kind of a diet of classes more suitable for his habits and inclinations. Not forgetting that it is possible to describe these inclinations and habits descriptively and narratively, or it is possible - evaluatively and categorically.

Compare.

“Our son, in general, is a friendly and caring boy, he has a lot of ideas, he easily finds contact with any person, never refuses to help. Most of all he is interested in people and the relationship between them, he is also very reckless in competitions, his eyes are burning and mouth to ear. It ignites easily, but if something does not work out right away, it can quit what it started. He loves to tinker with his hands, they are fitted exactly in place. He will make an excellent teacher or counselor, or some kind of project inspirer, I don’t know, startups are what to do ”.

“A lax slob. Hysterical. Nothing comes to an end. He has only partying with girls in his head, the slightest difficulty - and he runs away. He just greeted a man, and already his best friend, no control at all in his head. He loses everything, forgets everything, clings to everything, then throws it halfway. I don’t know what can grow out of him, courier, at best. ”

This is about the same person, as you understand. But with the person from the first picture you want to be friends, work, deal, but from the second - no. You see how difficult this topic is - motivation. You can't drive up on a crooked goat. Therefore, I will say this: the next time your precious child brings a bad mark from school, and you again decide that “you have to do something,” think about what result you want to achieve. Honestly admit what own need you are currently trying to satisfy. And realize that the child is a different person. It should get easier.

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