Jokes about school. Mini-concert "Yeralash" (for primary classes). School anniversary scene: funny and not very long

Scene "Whose help is better?"

King.

Alina, Polina, Evelina - the king's daughters.

King(to daughters). Today I walked through our palace and was simply horrified: a complete mess! Books are lying on the floor, shoes are on the windowsills, and clothes are on the beds! And everywhere - candy wrappers! So I decided to start cleaning today. And I want to ask you: how will you help me?

Alina. Here's how I can help. When you start cleaning up, I'll turn on the turntable and play your favorite Kings Can Do Anything. With this funny song, you will instantly clean up!

Pauline. I'd rather turn on the TV. The program "Visiting a Fairy Tale" will be shown there. I will carefully watch it and retell everything to you. And you will clean up the entire palace fabulously quickly!

King(addressing Evelina with a sigh). What will you turn on?

Evelina. I'll turn on the vacuum cleaner. No, first I will put all the things in their places. Then I'll take a broom and sweep out all the trash. Then I will remove the dust with a vacuum cleaner. After that, wipe the windowsills and all the furniture with a damp cloth. And when everything is clean, we will all sit down and watch TV.

King... Well, now I have learned that I have only one real helper!

Scene "At the Doctor"

Characters

A student with a briefcase stands in front of the doctor's office. He is indecisive.

Student. What to do? To go or not to go? What if he kicks out? No I'm not going. Yes, and the test? No, we have to go. Was not! (He takes a towel out of his briefcase, ties it around his head. Then knocks on the door.)

Doctor. Yes, yes, come in!

Student(included). Can?

Doctor(writes something, then stops writing, looks at the student). Come in, come in, sit down. What are you complaining about?

Student. On a very bad state of health.

Doctor... Specifically, what hurts?

Student... Head. Stomach. The ear is blocked. I hear nothing and understand nothing. Then, this, dizziness, pressure and palpitations.

Doctor. The temperature is?

Student. Yes, yes! Thirty eight and eight. Or forty-four and four. I do not remember.

Doctor. It's clear. Do you remember your last name?

Student... No, I don't remember ... I forgot.

Doctor. And forgot the name too?

Student... Yeah. And middle name. Because my head hurts.

Doctor. And in which class do you study, and at which school - have you forgotten too?

Student... Class ... it seems the sixth "u". And I completely forgot the school.

Doctor. OK. Open the horn wider and say: "A-a-a".

Student. A-a-algebra.

Doctor. What is "algebra"? Test, or what, today?

Student. No, tomorrow. Oh no, I don't remember.

Doctor. Hmm yeah. (Looks at the student over his glasses.) A very difficult case! You can't go to school. We'll have to sit at home for two weeks.

Student(gladly). Houses?

Student... What about English?

Doctor. It is forbidden!

Student... And what about geography?

Doctor. In no case!

Student. Can you go to the movies?

Doctor. Didn't I say? Necessarily! Twice a day - morning and afternoon!

Student. Thanks a lot!

Doctor. To your health! Everything. You can go.

Student. Goodbye. Oh, what about the help?

Doctor... What kind of help?

Student... Exemption from school. You didn't give me!

Doctor... Ah, liberation. No, unfortunately, nothing will work!

Student. Why?

Doctor... How can I write you a certificate if I do not know your name, surname, or the school in which you study!

Student. Oh, I seem to be starting to remember.

Doctor... Well done! What's the last name?

Student. Kotikov.

Student. Vasya! That is, Vasily Yegorovich.

Doctor... Very good, now remember the class, school.

Student. Sixth "b" grade, school number twenty-five.

Doctor... Now remember about algebra.

Student... What kind of algebra?

Doctor. About the one for which tomorrow is the control. Remembered?

Student. I remembered.

Doctor... Amazing! See how you quickly recovered from me! And you don't even need any help! Or is it still necessary? Headmaster of school number twenty-five?

Student... Not necessary.

Doctor. Then bye. Vasily Kotikov. Yes, do not forget to remove the turban from your head, it does not suit you!

The student removes the towel from his head and leaves.

Scene "Grandmothers and Grandchildren"

Characters

Two grandmothers.

First grandmother... Hello my dear! Let's go for a walk in the park.

Second grandmother... What are you, I haven't done my homework yet.

First grandmother. Which lessons?

Second grandmother... It is now fashionable to do homework for grandchildren. I just want to try, although this is probably not pedagogical.

First grandmother... Why is it not pedagogical? Yes, I have been doing my homework for my grandchildren all my life. If anything - ask me, I have a lot of experience.

Second grandmother... Well, if it's not difficult, check how I learned the poem: "Near the curvaceous sea, a green oak, a golden chain on that oak ..."

First grandmother. So good.

Second grandmother... "... Both day and night the dog is a scientist ..."

First grandmother. What other dog?

Second grandmother... Well, I don't know what breed he has, maybe a Doberman Pinscher?

First grandmother... Yes, not a dog, but a scientist cat! Understood?

Second grandmother... Ah, I got it, I got it! Well, then I’ll start first: "By the seashore there is a green oak, a golden chain on that oak, and day and night, a scientist cat ... with a string bag goes to the grocery store."

First grandmother... What string bag? Which grocery store? Study the poem again.

Second grandmother. Oh, I still have so many lessons! One grandson is in the sixth grade and the other is in the first. His teacher asked to bring the cash register to the school.

First grandmother. What cashier? From the store, or what? Don't involve me in this business!

Second grandmother. Well, what does the store have to do with it? The cash register is the alphabet. Okay, I'll do it myself, and you help me solve the problem.

First grandmother. So ... (takes the textbook, reads) "... two pipes are connected to the bathroom ..." Remember, in order to solve a problem, you need to have a good idea of ​​what it says. "There are two coarse ones connected to the bathroom ..." - did you imagine?

Second grandmother... Yes, yes, I did.

First grandmother."... Through one water is poured in, through the other it is poured." Introduced?

Second grandmother... Introduced! (Running away) Introduced-ah-ah!

First grandmother... Wait! Where are you running to?

Second grandmother... Water is pouring out! Can fill the whole floor ...

First grandmother... Take it easy. In fact, no water is poured out. This is stated only in the problem! Now tell me, when will the bath be filled?

Second grandmother. Will never fill up. Themselves said - the water is not pouring ...

First grandmother. Goodbye. You will get to the hospital with you. And I also have homework not done: an experiment in botany must be carried out - to grow beans.

Second grandmother... And, yes, yes, I remember you took the beans from me.

First grandmother... Yes, these beans are not growing! Apparently poor quality ...

Second grandmother. How substandard? Well, do good to people! You can say that she tore off the beans and took them out of the soup.

First grandmother... Wait, wait, how - from the soup? It turns out I was the one who raised the boiled beans? Thank you, made me feel good ...

Second grandmother... Well, I didn't know why you need beans, don't be offended!

First grandmother... What do you think, if we continue to study so hard, maybe they will give us some grade?

Second grandmother(in a whisper). Between us, it has already been placed.

First grandmother. Yes? And what is the estimate?

Second grandmother."Col"!

First grandmother... Why such a bad grade?

Second grandmother... For the fact that we are not doing our own thing.

First grandmother... Adults do everything for the guys, and then they are surprised: "Oh, they grow up with little hands! .."

The old ladies leave.

Scene "Enchanted letter"

Characters

Denis. Once Alenka, Mishka and I were playing in the yard. It was before the New Year. A Christmas tree was brought to our yard. She lay big, shaggy and smelled so delicious of frost that we stood like fools and smiled. And suddenly Alenka said:

Alenka... Look, the SEARCH are hanging on the tree!

Denis. Mishka and I started rolling!

bear... Oh, I'll die laughing! Search!

Denis... Well, it gives: detectives!

Bear. Five years old girl, but she says "detectives". Oh, I can't! Oh, I feel bad! Oh, water! Give me water soon! I'm going to faint now! (Falls, laughs.)

Denis... Oh, I even started to hiccup with laughter! Hic! Hic! I'll probably die now! The girl is already five years old, soon to marry, and she is a detective!

Alenka(offended). Did I say that correctly! It's my tooth that fell out and whistles. I want to say "detectives," but my whistle is "detectives."

bear... Just think! Her tooth fell out! .. I fell out as many as three and one is staggering, but I still speak correctly. Listen here: hyhki! What? Isn't that great? HUHKI! I can even sing:

Mihka clubfoot

Walking through the forest

Hykhki collects

And puts it in his pocket.

Alenka(shouts). A-ah-ah! Not properly! Hooray! You say "hykhki", but it is necessary - "detectives"!

bear... No, you have to - "hyhki"!

Alenka... No, "detectives"!

Bear. No, hyhki!

Alenka. No, "detectives"! (Obarevut.)

Denis. I laughed so hard that I even got hungry. I'll go home. Here are weirdos! Why are they arguing so, since both are wrong? After all, this is a very simple word. No "investigations", no "hyhki", but short and clear: "phyfki"! That's all.

Based on materials from the Yeralash newsreel

Scene "Day of Help for Parents"

Characters

Anton. Mother.

Three of Anton's classmates.

Anton appears on the stage. He wipes the dust with a rag, sweeps the floor with a brush, dancing at the same time and singing: "My baby, I miss you ...".

Mom enters in outer clothes, freezes in place.

Mother. Anton, what happened?

Anton. Nothing happened, Mom. Let me help you undress. (Helps to take off the jacket.)

Mom enters the room, notices that the dust has been wiped off.

Mother... Did you dust off? Myself?

Anton... Myself.

Mother. Tell me honestly, Anton, what happened?

Anton... Nothing happened.

Mother. Am I called to school?

Anton... No...

Mom walks across the room, notices that the floor has been swept.

Mother... Did you sweep the floor? Myself?! Incredible ... (Places a hand to her forehead, checking for a fever.)

Anton... Mom, don't worry. I washed the dishes and did my homework.

Mother... I have done my homework ... I beg you, Anton, tell me what happened after all? (Grabs his heart, sits on a chair.)

Anton... Well, I tell you: nothing happened! The doorbell rings. Three children enter.

1st... Good evening! How was your Parenting Day?

2nd. Hack, cleanliness, order. I wiped the dust, swept the floor ...

3rd(opens magazine). Check mark! (Puts a check mark with a pencil.)

Anton. Helping Parents Day, Helping Parents Day! Here, look at what your Parenting Day has brought a person to! (Points to Mom.)

Children surround their mother on all sides.

1st(vigorously). Valerian! Water! (Counts drops.) 23, 24, 25! (Gives mom a drink.) How nervous all mothers are! It was necessary first to explain that this is only for one day and tomorrow everything will be the same!

Scene "Pro kitten who could not read"

Characters

Yasha is a kitten.

Once Murka's cat, Yashin's mother, said to the kitten:

Murka. It's time for you, Yasha, to learn to read.

Yasha. I will have time yet!

Murka. There is nothing to be lazy about. Let's start right now. Sit down, I'll show you the letters.

Yasha sits down reluctantly.

Murka... Let's start with the simplest letter - "O". (Shows the letter "O".)

Yasha. Some kind of circle ...

Murka. Yes, it looks like a circle. This letter is called "O". Repeat!

Yasha. This letter is called "O". What words contain this letter?

Murka... In many. For example, in the words "cat" and "cat". (Shows cards with words written on them.)

Yasha. And in the word "kitten"?

Murka. And in the word "kitten" there are even two letters "O". Here look. (Shows a card with a written word.)

Yasha... See see! Two mugs! And three? Are there three letters "O" in words?

Murka. Sure. There is such a good word - "milk". (Shows a card.)

Yasha. Truth! As many as three circles! Is there this letter in the word "ice cream"?

Murka... There is. And also three. Here look. (Shows a card.)

Yasha... Good word! And in two ice creams, it means six letters "O". And in three ...

Murka. Don't talk nonsense! And in general, we do not have arithmetic now! That's all for today. Go to walk!

Yasha. What a nice letter! And it happens in the nicest words! And the most delicious!

Yasha walks up to a screen on which hangs a sign with the inscription: “Caution! Angry dog!"

Yasha. What a beautiful sign! And it has three words written on it ... And in the first word, whole ... one, two, three, four ... Wow!

As many as four letters "O"! Blimey! Probably, there is something very tasty or pleasant here! ..

The kitten looks behind the screen. A deafening bark is heard from there. Yasha jumps out from behind the screen, tears off the sign and runs to his mother.

Murka(seeing an agitated Yasha). What's the matter? Why are you so disheveled and shaking all over? What happened?

Yasha. Mom, I was walking, I saw a fence, there was a beautiful sign on the fence (he gives the sign to mom), three words are written on it, and in the first word there are four letters "O"! I thought that there must be something very tasty or pleasant ...

Murka. So! I understand everything! This is what happens when you can't read! Do you know what is written on this plate? "Carefully! Angry dog!".

Yasha... Yes, it is written correctly, the dog is really angry ... You know what, mom, let's learn the rest of the letters!

Scenario "Word game"

Characters

Petya is a son.

Two boys - one older, the other younger - go on stage, sit on chairs. In the hands - pictures and pencils.

Peter... Dad, draw something for me.

Dad... No, we will draw in turns and play words at the same time.

Peter... Like this?

Dad... That's how. We will come up with words for some letter and depict these words with pictures. Take the letter "P" for example. I start. (Draws a portfolio, shows.)

Peter. It's clear. And I will draw ... (draws a steam locomotive).

Dad. Well done! The locomotive is like a real one! And I came up with this ... (draws and shows the belt).

Peter. But the belt is not allowed! He's not the letter "P"!

Dad... And this is not a belt, but a belt!

Peter. Great idea! Then I will draw ... (draws and shows the cat).

Dad. And the cat cannot be, it is not in the letter "P"!

Peter... And this is not just a cat, but Fluff!

Dad... Oh, you sly fellow! Good. I will draw ... (draws and shows a portrait).

Peter. Who is this?

Dad... This is nobody. It's just a portrait.

Peter. Great. And I will draw ... (draws and shows the uncle).

Dad... And who is this?

Peter. This is nobody. It's just a passerby.

Dad... Well done! And I'll draw a parrot. (Draws and shows.)

Peter... Great! And I'll draw a penguin. (Draws and shows.)

Dad... Look. (Shows the boy in the picture.)

Peter. Who is this? If it’s a boy, it doesn’t count.

Dad. Didn't you recognize? After all, this is Petya, that is, you!

Peter... Now I found out! And I will draw ... (draws and shows the uncle).

Dad. Who is this? If it’s an uncle, it doesn’t count!

Peter... Didn't you recognize? It's dad, that is you!

Dad... Now I found out. Here's what I came up with. (Draws and shows a woman.) This is our mother. I drew her because she is a teacher and she teaches singing.

Peter. Great! Here's what I came up with! (Draws and shows the calendar.)

Dad... The calendar? Why?

Dad... Right. And on this day we will present to her ... (draws a gift and flowers).

Peter... A gift is understandable. And the flowers? They are not in the letter "P" ...

Dad... So what? All the same, mom will be pleased!

"Yeralash". Scenes for the morning performance on March 8

Dear Colleagues! I would like to bring to your attention 4 numbers - mini-sketches - for use in a matinee dedicated to International Women's Day. These issues are combined into two issues of the Yeralash magazine. The first issue is “about mother and child”, and the second is “about grandmother and grandson”.

Director - Issue one. One frame. Scene "That's so happy!"

SCENE "THIS IS SO JOY!"

Participants: mother and son (in hands - rubber boots)

Mom - Why are you wearing rubber boots?

Son - I will go to the street wearing them.

Mom - But there is no dirt, you know!

Son - Do not be afraid, Mom, I will find!

(to the beat of "Yeralash" the actors bow at the same time)

"Director" - Issue one. Frame two. "Polite".

Shown in practice:

He is in the midnight quiet hour

He lifted his mother out of bed.

(son enters, shakes mom by the shoulder)

Mom (touches her son's forehead) - Are you sick, son?

Son - I forgot to tell you:

"Mother! Goodnight!"

Mom "faints", son shrugs in disbelief

(ending "Yeralash", bow)

The musical intro "Yeralash" sounds.

The "director" comes out with a clapperboard

"Director" - Issue two. One frame. Scene "Medicine for Grandma"

SCENE "DRUG FOR GRANDMA"

Doctor, 2 grandchildren, grandmother

Grandma comes out to the music and starts sweeping the floor. Suddenly he groans, throws the broom, grabs his heart, sits down on the “sofa”. The "doctor" comes running to the sound of an ambulance siren, injects his grandmother, leaves.

Two grandchildren come out to another music. The first grandson has a bottle of medicine in his hands, the other has a towel.

1 grandson - Doctor discharged to granny

Vitamins and pills

Put her to bed

And he did not allow me to get up.

(gives grandmother medicine, starts sweeping)

Grandma - The pressure has risen

From overwork!

2 grandson - Let's take care of grandmother,

Enough for her to cook and bake!

Cooked lunch

The floor is shiny and there is no dust.

We did it ourselves

With important things to do!

1 grandson - Grandma sat in bed

And she said:

Grandma - Really!

2 grandson - And from surprise

The pressure has dropped!

(beat "Yeralash")

"Director" - Issue two. Frame two. Scene "Backfill Question"

"TRICKY QUESTION"

Grandmother comes out (sits down to knit, and Grandfather (sits down to read the newspaper.) Granddaughter runs out to the music

Granddaughter - Who is better - girls?

What a deaf but wise grandfather

Said that:

Grandpa -… CANDIES are the best!

(ending "Yeralash", bow)

Related publications:

Event for Children's Day "Summer" Yeralash ""SUMMER ERALASH" Host: Everything in the world has its own order. We recently met the spring, children. She was an excellent mistress, the fields turned green.

January has come. The holidays are over, the long-awaited and most magical holiday in the world has passed - New Year... When they tell me about.

Scenario of the miniature scene "The action-packed" Turnip, secret mission " REPKA. Characters: Grandfather, turnip, grandmother, granddaughter, bug, cat, mouse. HOST: The film company (to come up with a name) presents an action-packed one.

Scenario of a miniature scene based on the fairy tale “Teremok. Indian version " TEREMOK. Characters: Little Mouse, Croak Frog, Hare - Disco Dancer, Wolf - Raja, Fox HOST: Bollywood Film Studio presents.

Scenes for May 9th. Scenes for May 9th. Peaceful time. Children play outside (girls jump classics, jump ropes, boys jump ball). A melody sounds. Suddenly a melody.

Students show the performance to the younger grades.

Stagedused poems by Yu.M. Pogorelsky.

Goals: teach children to treat any life situations with a sense of humor; develop creative and organizational skills students.

Preparatory work:

1. Choose the material for the production.

2. Assign roles, rehearse scenes.

Equipment: record player; musical soundtracks (intro to the children's comic magazine "Yeralash" and short musical fragments for dividing scenes).

Event progress

(The soundtrack of the musical intro for the Yeralash TV magazine sounds.)

Leading. Do you guys recognize this melody? (Children answer.)

That's right, this is how each issue of the famous TV magazine "Yeralash" begins. Do you like to watch it? (Children answer.)

Guys, tell me, what is needed to create such a magazine?

(Children make guesses.)

Right, funny stories otherwise they are called plots.

Who are the main characters of "Yeralash"? (Children answer.)

Of course, your peers, the same girls and boys who go to school, play pranks, play pranks. Parents and teachers often become heroes of Yeralash.

Now we would like to present you our TV magazine "School tricks". So let's get started.

(The musical splash screen of the TV magazine "Yeralash" sounds. A student comes out and holds a sign with the inscription "Quarantine". Two students are talking on the phone.)

Student 1 (speaks calmly).

Quarantine in our class

And I found out the reason:

Karavaev Valentin

Sick of scarlet fever.

We are now three weeks old

There is no way to go to school.

Pupil 2 (overjoyed).

Really ?! Repeat

This is for me now.

Quarantine in our class

And I found out the reason:

Karavaev Valentin

Sick of scarlet fever.

For three weeks he fell ill ...

It's a pity ... Nice guy.

Repeat one more time

From the very beginning.

Student 1 (shouts into the phone).

Karavaev Valentin

He is sick with scarlet fever.

Quarantine in our class

No school lessons!

Yes, you must be a friend

Blocked ears ...

No, such news suddenly -

A whole century would listen.

(Musical pause. Performers of the scene leave. A student comes out with a sign "A student has come from school.")

A student came from school

Do not touch this time!

Oh so! .. And you, insolent,

You decided to teach us, then? Yes for you,

By golly, the whip is crying!

Have you tried a belt for a long time?

You will try, perhaps ...

Mother. Ah, he will drive me into the coffin!

Cool it down, stop screaming

Take a better look here!

What did you get, you want to know

Is our boy in class?

He got a rating of "5"!

Mother. I feel bad!

The mother breathed out

And she began to faint,

As usual, deep.

And the student narrowed his eyes

And sincerely admitted:

Such a reaction you have

I was just afraid.

(Musical pause. Performers of the scene leave. A student comes out with a sign "Lesson" The World Around "".)

Have you seen a woodpecker

Someday, Vanya?

But what, recently

On the TV screen.

Maybe,

Have you seen the present in the forest?

We're in the woods TV

We don't carry with us.

(Musical pause. Performers of the scene leave. A student comes out with a sign "Airborne passions".)

Cool? Anything has happened.

But the paratrooper knows the deal

And always confident in myself ...

So, were you, dad, brave?

Maybe to some extent.

I'm not used to losing heart,

Although it fell from the sky ...

Well then take a look in the diary

Additional material

Newsreel- a periodic film release, telling about a variety of events. The newsreel is built from individual episodes, which are usually called plots. What has been filmed is not yet a film. Editing is necessary, that is, the connection of individual frames in the film. In other words, using people, nature and objects real life how construction material, filmmakers create their own world. For example, in Moscow, you can shoot a frame in which there will be a window and a person looking out of it onto the street. The next frame is a landscape with palm trees. Having glued these two frames in succession, you can see a person who lives in a house somewhere in the hot south.

The director is engaged in editing, and he follows the advice given by the French sculptor Auguste Rodin: "I take a lump and cut off everything unnecessary from it." The director discards the unsuccessful pieces, and among the rest he is looking for the most expressive, brightest and most interesting. Previously, after developing and printing, the film was cut and glued by hand at a special editing table.

Now this is done using a computer. In a computer, editing is done quickly and accurately; you can make several editing options for the same film.

Scene "Clever Petya"

Here is Petya sitting in front of you,

He's smarter than anyone else in the world

He knows everything, understands

He explains everything to others.

Children approached Petya,

The children spoke with Petya:

Petya, Petya, you are a scientist,

They tell him.

A green leaf flies

Explain to us why?

And Petya answered:

Children! Okay, I'll explain.

The green leaf flies

It rustles dry on the grass,

Because he's bad

Sewn to the branch with threads.

The children heard it

And they said:

What are you, Petya,

Is it really,

If you know everything, Petya,

If you are smarter than everyone -

Tell us about the snow.

We do not understand why in winter

Snow is falling on the street

And over the white earth

Children! Okay, okay, I'll tell you

I know very well:

Snow is tooth powder

But special, interesting,

Not earthly, but heavenly.

The finch does not fly anymore

As you know, because:

The wings freeze to the cloud,

What are you, Petya, really

Indeed,

These are good answers,

But to answer the questions

We'll ask you again.

See the days are shorter

And the nights became longer.

Why, answer later

Children! So be it, I explain.

Fish in the river are building a house

For your kids

And covered the river with ice -

He's like a roof for them.

That is why the night is longer,

That is why the days are shorter

That we became very early

Light up the lights in the houses.

The children heard it,

They laughed:

What are you, Petya,

Is it really,

Is that really why?

What do you think children:

Isn't this Petya lying?

N. Vedensky

Scene "On the Oddities of Love"

In the morning I went to school

Dear son,

She dressed, washed, put on shoes, instructed,

There is no sense - period!

Oh, I don't want to study!

I really want to walk!

The control knocks on the door,

So, get a deuce!

Control.

Unfortunate bummer! Tremble

Seek salvation in labor!

When the control hour strikes,

You can disgrace the class!

(Sounds "Gypsy".)

A bright camp in a clearing,

Guitar clinking, hooves clattering.

I'll run quickly to the gypsy,

Let him tell me how to be.

Well, throw a coin here

The one that was given for lunch

For an excellent neighbor

Take good care, neighbor!

And for a useful friendship

He rushed quickly,

Been kind all week

He is with his neighbor.

Disciple (singing).

"Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart, My gentle earthly angel ..." Neighbor (sings).

Someone came down from the hill -

Probably, my dear is coming.

Again in his briefcase there is a deuce,

She will drive me crazy.

He's wearing headphones and a player

And the pokemon on the chest ...

Why, why did I meet

Its on the path of life!

(Gives him a briefcase. He addresses the audience.)

He carries a briefcase behind me

He will ask about my health

Smiles hazy

And it looks terribly strange!

(Sits down at the desk.)

There will be life like a fairy tale!

Mom will be happy with me

Provided prompt

At work on the test!

No, the hint won't help!

The headwash is waiting for you!

Fear and horror gnaws at the heart!

Again a pair, again a deuce.

Disciple (neighbor).

Why are you making eyes at me?

Here is an unhappy neighborhood!

I was waiting for a hint from you

Not silly coquetry. (Leaves.)

Neighbor (sings).

What you were, so you stayed

Such a bummer, such a dunce.

Why, why did you meet with me,

Why didn't you meet another?

Why stared at me?

I haven't learned my lesson again!

I don't want to sit next to you

I'll lock my heart. (Leaves.)

(The student runs after her.)

At the very doorstep

Awake school

Our hero felt

A prick in the heart.

Pupil (tries to take a briefcase, but a classmate walks by).

The neighbor passes by and does not raise her eyes.

As if she doesn't remember a familiar name

As if she was not in love!

So she has forgotten me?

And the heart is broken like a trough.

And then again the test is waiting.

Maybe dad will save me now?

(Dad comes out.)

I have some money

But I am a faithful friend to you

I am a professor, academician

Fantastic Sciences.

Arithmetic is a trinket

Take away your notebook

About flying saucers

Listen to the new article!

(The student waves it off.)

But what is the use of this knowledge?

After all, dad cannot be brought to class!

It is impossible for a stranger to learn the mind!

You will have to work yourself.

We will repeat this morality in the lesson:

Love is not a carrot! Do not walk the drills!

Love the excellent pupils for the mind and pigtails,

For songs and laughter, for funny habits,

But don't love them for their clues!

Don't hide your problems behind your daddy's back -

This is not useful for either dad or son!

And in parting, let's say:

You shouldn't go to gypsies for advice!

Jokes

Masha, do you know the alphabet well?

Yes, sure!

What letter comes after the letter A?

Other!

Petya, if your father heard you answer, his hair would stand on end!

My father would be happy!

Why is it happy if you don't know anything?

Because he is bald!

In the lesson, the teacher asks the girl:

Olya, tell us how to divide six potatoes between five students?

It is necessary to make mashed potatoes and divide it into portions.

Who do you think knows the best English in our class?

In my opinion, our teacher.

The father, severely punishing his son, asks:

Well, do you understand what you got for?

You see what you are, - the son answers.

First you hit, and then you ask me why!

L. Mishchenkova

"I am late..."

Characters

Anton is a late student.

A student who is late for a lesson rushes into the classroom.

Anton. Sorry I'm late.

Teacher. We understood this. Explain why. What happened?

Anton... Oh, what has not happened! .. I'll start in order. When I hear the sound of the alarm, I feel like I'm being shot.

Teacher. And you jump up right away?

Anton. No, I'm lying like a dead man! Therefore, Kesha, my parrot, wakes me up. At exactly 7.30 am he says: “ Good morning! It's time to get up. " But yesterday it was Kesha's birthday, and I treated him to ice cream. And in the morning Kesha did not wake me up - he lost his voice, poor fellow ...

Teacher... I ate too much ice cream, you say. Interesting...

Anton. Well, that means ... I left the house ... And then an armed bandit attacked me!

Teacher... Horror! And what did he do?

Anton... Took away your homework!

Anton... Then I decided to help the old woman cross the street. And as soon as I brought it to the middle, the traffic light broke! A red light came on, and the cars drove without stopping. So we sunbathed in the middle of the street until the traffic controller appeared.

Teacher... That's the story ... Tell me, Anton, is there even a word of truth in your story?

Anton... As many as two: I'm LATE.

"At a break"

Characters

Classmates:

The bell rings from the lesson. Children sit on chairs along the edge of the stage: some with a book in their hands, some with games, start a conversation with each other.

Vitalik... All people are like people: during recess they rush along the corridor, and we, like crazy, sit in the classroom.

Masha. So we punished ourselves: we behaved badly, now we sit in class for a whole week.

Someone sneezes.

Dasha... What will we have now?

Andrei... Mathematics.

Lesha. I love mathematics ... (Turns to Sergei) And what is your favorite subject?

Sergei... And my favorite subject is TV!

Anton. And mine is a tape recorder!

Yura. And mine is a computer!

Natasha. Do you have a computer at home?

Yura... There is.

Natasha... You probably want to become a programmer?

Yura... No, a doctor.

Natasha... Ha, you have a "three" in the "World Around"!

Masha. So what, Natasha, he will fix her! What kind of doctor is a surgeon?

Yura... No, dental: people have one heart, and teeth - 32!

Someone sneezes.

Masha... Do you remember, Katya, how Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks Yura in the lesson: "Why do storks fly to Africa for the winter?"

Katia. I remember, I remember ... What did you say then, Yura?

Yura... Obviously, blacks also want to have children!

Sergei... Vitalik, did you get sick yesterday from your parents because you left home from the rhythm lesson?

Vitalik... Yes, not that horrible, but the relationship soured. Imagine, in the morning I hint to my father: "Dad, I saw in a dream that you bought me three servings of ice cream." Usually he understands hints, and then he says: "Great, you can keep them for yourself!"

Anton... Well, that's nothing. But my dad once gave me two slaps on the head.

Nastya... For what?

Anton... First time because I showed the diary with "deuces". And the second - when he saw that it was his old diary!

Nastya... Well, why did you show? Himself to blame. You need to be careful with your parents. They forgot that they themselves were once children.

Katia. What time is it, Lesh?

Lesha. 10.20.

Katia... This means that we have another 10 minutes to sunbathe before the start of the lesson.

Dasha... Lyudmila Vladimirovna said there won't be an extension today ...

Sergei... Badly. I don't like doing homework with my grandmother. Lyudmila Vladimirovna immediately recognizes her handwriting.

Zhenya. I once did my homework at home. And when I handed over the notebook, Lyudmila Vladimirovna grabbed her head: "It's just incredible that one person can make so many mistakes!" And I say: “Why alone? Together with dad! "

Someone sneezes.

Anton... I, too, once did not go to an extended program. So Lyudmila Vladimirovna asks: "Admit it, Anton, who did your homework for you?"

And I answer: “I don’t know, I went to bed early yesterday.”

Masha... What I like most about the extended course is drinking tea.

Andrei. Yes, great!

Masha... And my mother gave me a silver spoon and said: “Take it to class. If you drink tea, put a spoon in a cup. All microbes perish from it, from silver. "

And I say: "Mom, do you want me to drink tea with dead germs?"

Sergei. And somehow I shout: “Lyudmila Vladimirovna! My tea is unsweetened. " And she: "Did you stir the sugar?" - "Stirred". - "Which way?" - "Right". - "So the sugar is gone to the left!"

Anton sneezes, wipes his mouth with his sleeve.

Natasha... Anton, do you happen to have a handkerchief?

Anton... Yes, but I'm sorry, Natasha, I don't lend it to anyone.

Masha. Listen, Lesh, I want to ask you everything. When I walk past your windows, sometimes I hear your cat screaming in an almost human voice ...

Lesha... I wash her.

Masha... I also wash my cat, but she doesn't scream like that.

Lesha... Are you squeezing it out?

Masha... Well, you are a flayer, Lesha!

Lesha... You yourself are a flayer! But my cat has no fleas. And you, Masha, do not forget to tell your mother that Lyudmila Vladimirovna is calling her to school!

Masha. And I already said, Lesha! “Mom,” I say, “we have an abbreviated parent meeting today.” And she asks: "How is it - abbreviated?" And I answer: "It's very simple: Lyudmila Vladimirovna, you, me and the director."

L. TOamin

Scene "Our Cases"

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, go to the blackboard and write down a short story that I will dictate to you.

The student goes to the blackboard and prepares to write.

Teacher(dictates): “Dad and mom scolded Vova for bad behavior. Vova was guiltily silent, and then made a promise to improve. "

The student writes dictation on the blackboard.

Teacher: Wonderful! Underline all nouns in your story.

The student underlines the words: "dad", "mom", "Vova", "behavior", "Vova", "promise".

Teacher: Ready? Determine which cases these nouns are in. Understood?

Student: Yes!

Teacher: Get started!

Student: "Father and mother". Who? What? Parents. Hence, the case is genitive.

Scolded whom, what? Vova. “Vova” is a name. Hence, the case is nominative.

Scolded for what? For bad behavior. Apparently he did something. This means that “behavior” has an instrumental case.

Vova was silent guiltily. This means that here “Vova” has an accusative case.

Well, and the “promise”, of course, is in the dative case, since Vova gave it!

That's all!

Teacher: Yes, the analysis turned out to be original! Bring the diary, Petrov. I wonder what grade you would suggest to put yourself?

Disciple: Which one? Of course, the top five!

Teacher: So the top five? By the way, in what case did you call this word “five”?

Student: In the prepositional!

Teacher: In the prepositional? Why is that?

Student: Well, I suggested it myself!

AND. Butman

"Correct answer"

Characters: teacher and student Petrov

Teacher: Petrov, how much will it be: four divided by two?

Student: And what to share, Mikhail Ivanovich?

Teacher: Well, let's say four apples.

Student: And between whom?

Teacher: Well, let it be between you and Sidorov.

Student: Then three for me and one for Sidorov.

Teacher: Why is this?

Student: Because Sidorov owes me one apple.

Teacher: Doesn't he owe you a plum?

Student: No, it shouldn't be a plum.

Teacher: Well, how much will it be if four plums are divided by two?

Student: Four. And all to Sidorov.

Teacher: Why four?

Student: Because I don't like plums.

Teacher: Wrong again.

Student: How much is correct?

Teacher: But now I will put the correct answer for you in my diary!

Scene "3 = 7 and 2 = 5"

Teacher: Well, Petrov? What am I to do with you?

Petrov: And what?

Teacher: All year you did nothing, did not teach anything. I just don't know what to put in the list.

Petrov(looking gloomily at the floor): I, Ivan Ivanovich, scientific work was engaged.

Teacher: What are you? What is it?

Petrov: I decided that all our math was wrong and ... I proved it!

Teacher: Well, how, Comrade Veliky Petrov, did you achieve this?

Petrov: Ah, what can I say, Ivan Ivanitch! It's not my fault that Pythagoras was wrong and this ... Archimedes!

Teacher: Archimedes?

Petrov: And he too, After all, they said that three is only three.

Teacher: What else?

Petrov(solemnly): This is not true! I've proven that three is seven!

Teacher: Like this?

Petrov: But, look: 15 -15 = 0. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: 35 - 35 = 0 - also true. Hence, 15-15 = 35-35. Right?

Teacher: Right.

Petrov: Move out the common factors: 3 (5-5) = 7 (5-5). Right?

Teacher: Exactly.

Petrov: Hehe! (5-5) = (5-5). This is also true!

Teacher: Yes.

Petrov: Then everything is upside down: 3 = 7!

Teacher: Aha! So, Petrov, we survived.

Petrov: I didn't want to, Ivan Ivanitch. But against science ... you can't sin!

Teacher: It's clear. Look: 20-20 = 0. Right?

Petrov: Exactly!

Teacher: 8-8 = 0 is also true. Then 20-20 = 8-8. It is truth too?

Petrov: Exactly, Ivan Ivanitch, exactly.

Teacher: Move out the common factors: 5 (4-4) = 2 (4-4). Right?

Petrov: Right!

Teacher: Then that's it, Petrov, I give you a "2"!

Petrov: For what, Ivan Ivanitch?

Teacher: Don't worry, Petrov, because if we divide both sides of the equality by (4-4), then 2 = 5. Is that what you did?

Petrov: Let us suppose.

Teacher: So I put "2", is it all the same. BUT?

Petrov: No, it's not all the same, Ivan Ivanovich, "5" is better.

Teacher: Perhaps it is better, Petrov, but until you prove it, you will have a deuce in a year, equal, in your opinion, to an A!

Guys, help Petrov.

AND. WITHemerenko

"Folder under the arm"

Vovka: Listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Yesterday I took the folder on the mouse and went to Uncle Yura, my mother told me.

Andrei: Ha ha ha! And it's really funny.

Vovka(surprised): What's so funny? I have not even begun to tell.

Andrei(laughing): The folder ... under the arm! Good idea. Your folder won't fit under your arm, it's not a cat!

Vovka: Why "my folder"? The folder is daddy. You have forgotten how to speak correctly from laughter, or what?

Andrei: (winking and tapping himself on the forehead): Oh, I guessed it! Grandpa - under the arm! He himself speaks incorrectly, and also teaches. Now it's clear: dad's folder is your grandfather Kolya! In general, it's great you came up with it - funny and with a riddle!

Vova(offended): What does my grandfather Kolya have to do with it? I wanted to tell you something completely different. I didn't listen to the end, but you laugh, you interfere with speaking. Moreover, he dragged my grandfather, put him under his arm, what a storyteller he found! I'd rather go home than talk to you.

Andrei(to himself, left alone): And why was he offended? Why tell funny stories if you can't laugh?

"At the lessons of natural history"

Characters: class teacher and students

Teacher: Who can name five wild animals?

Pupil Petrov pulls out his hand.

Teacher: Answer me, Petrov.

Apprentice Petrov: Tiger, tigress and ... three tiger cubs.

Teacher: What are dense forests? Answer, Kosichkina!

Pupil Kosichkina: These are forests in which ... it's good to doze.

Teacher: Simakova, please name the parts of the flower.

Simakov's student: Petals, stem, pot.

Teacher: Ivanov, tell us, please, what benefits do birds and animals bring to humans?

Apprentice Ivanov: Birds peck mosquitoes, and cats catch mice for him.

Teacher: Petrov, what book have you read about famous travelers?

Pupil Petukhov: "Frog traveler"

Teacher: Who will answer, what is the difference between the sea and the river? Please, Mishkin.

Pupil Mishkin: The river has two banks, and the sea has one.

Student Zaitsev pulls out his hand.

Teacher: What do you want, Zaitsev? Do you want to ask something?

Pupil Zaitsev: Mary Ivanna, is it true that people descended from a monkey?

Teacher: Truth.

Pupil Zaitsev: That's what I'm looking at: there are so few monkeys!

Teacher: Kozyavin, please answer, what is the lifespan of a mouse?

Student Kozyavin: Well, Mary Ivanna, it completely depends on the cat.

Teacher: Will go to the board ... Meshkov and tell us about the crocodile.

Pupil Meshkov(coming out to the board): The length of the crocodile from head to tail is five meters, and from tail to head is seven meters.

Teacher: Think what you are saying! Is it possible?

Pupil Meshkov: It happens! For example, Monday to Wednesday is two days, and Wednesday to Monday is five!

Teacher: Khomyakov, tell me why people need nervous system?

Pupil Khomyakov: To be nervous.

Teacher: Why do you, Sinichkin, look at your watch every minute?

Pupil Sinichkin: Because I am terribly worried that the call would interrupt an amazingly interesting lesson.

Teacher: Guys, who will answer where the bird flies with a straw in its beak?

Pupil Belkov pulls his hand above everyone else.

Teacher: Try it, Belkov.

Apprentice Belkov: To the cocktail bar, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Teplyakova, what teeth are the last to appear in a person?

Teplyakov's student: Plug-in, Mary Ivanna.

Teacher: Now I will ask you a very difficult question, for the correct answer I will immediately give you an A plus. And the question is: "Why is European time ahead of American time?"

Pupil Klyushkin pulls out his hand.

Teacher: Answer me, Klyushkin.

Pupil Klyushkin: Because America was discovered later!

"In math lessons"

Characters: class teacher and students

Teacher: Petrov, you can hardly count to ten. I don’t know what you can become?

Apprentice Petrov: Boxing judge, Mary Ivanna!

Teacher: Going to the board to solve the problem ... Trushkin.

Pupil Trushkin goes to the blackboard.

Teacher: Listen carefully to the condition of the problem. Dad bought 1 kilogram of sweets, and mom bought another 2 kilograms. How many...

Disciple Trushkin heads to the door.

Teacher: Trushkin, where are you going ?!

Disciple Trushkin: I ran home, there are candy!

Teacher: Petrov, bring your diary here. I'll put your yesterday's deuce in it.

Apprentice Petrov: I don't have it.

Teacher: Where is he?

Apprentice Petrov: And I gave it to Vitka - to scare my parents!

Teacher: Vasechkin, if you have ten rubles, and you ask your brother for another ten rubles, how much money will you have?

Disciple Vasechkin: Ten rubles.

Teacher: You just don't know mathematics!

Disciple Vasechkin: No, you do not know my brother!

Teacher: Sidorov, please answer, how much is three times seven?

Disciple Sidorov: Marya Ivanovna, I will answer your question only in the presence of my lawyer!

Teacher: Why, Ivanov, does your father always do your homework for you?

Apprentice Ivanov: And mom has no free time!

Teacher: Now solve problem number 125 yourself.

The students get down to business.

Teacher: Smirnov! Why are you cheating from Terentyev?

Pupil Smirnov: No, Mary Ivanna, he writes it off from me, and I'm just checking to see if he did it right!

Teacher: Guys, who is Archimedes? Answer me, Shcherbinina.

Shcherbinin's student: This is a mathematical Greek.

Scene "At the lessons of the Russian language"

Characters: teacher and class students

Teacher: Let's hear how you learned your homework. Whoever goes to answer first, he will receive a point higher.

Apprentice Ivanov(reaches out and shouts): Mary Ivanna, I will be the first, put me three at once!

Teacher: Your composition about a dog, Petrov, is word for word similar to Ivanov's!

Apprentice Petrov: Mary Ivanna, so Ivanov and I live in the same yard, and there we have one dog for all!

Teacher: You, Sidorov, have a wonderful composition, but why is it not finished?

Disciple Sidorov: And because dad was urgently called to work!

Teacher: Koshkin, confess, who wrote the essay for you?

Disciple Koshkin: Do not know. I went to bed early.

Teacher: As for you, Klevtsov, let your grandfather come to me tomorrow!

Pupil Klevtsov: Grandpa? Maybe dad?

Teacher: No, grandpa. I want to show him what gross mistakes his son makes when he writes an essay for you.

Teacher: What kind of word is "egg", Sinichkin?

Pupil Sinichkin: None.

Teacher: Why is that?

Pupil Sinichkin: Because it is not known who will hatch out of it: a rooster or a chicken.

Teacher: Petushkov, define the kind of words: "chair", "table", "sock", "stocking".

Pupil Petushkov: "Table", "chair" and "sock" are masculine, and "stocking" is feminine.

Teacher: Why?

Pupil Petushkov: Because only women wear stockings!

Teacher: Smirnov, go to the blackboard, write down and analyze the proposal.

Pupil Smirnov goes to the blackboard.

The teacher dictates, and the student writes down: "Daddy went to the garage."

Teacher: Ready? We listen to you.

Pupil Smirnov: Dad is the subject, left is the predicate, to the garage is ... an excuse.

Teacher: Who guys can come up with a proposal with homogeneous members?

Tyulkina's student pulls out her hand.

Teacher: Please, Tyulkina.

Tyulkin's student: There were no trees, no bushes, no grass in the forest.

Teacher: Sobakin, come up with a sentence with the number "three".

Pupil Sobakin: My mom works in a KNITTING factory.

Teacher: Rubashkin, come out to the blackboard, write down a proposal.

Pupil Rubashkin goes to the blackboard.

Teacher dictates: The guys were catching butterflies with nets.

Pupil Rubashkin writes: The guys were catching butterflies with glasses.

Teacher: Rubashkin, why are you so inconsiderate?

Apprentice Rubashkin: And what?

Teacher: Where have you seen the bespectacled butterflies?

Teacher: Meshkov, what part of speech is the word "dryish"?

Pupil Meshkov, getting up, is silent for a long time.

Teacher: Well, think, Meshkov, what question does this word answer?

Pupil Meshkov: What is it? Dryish!

Teacher: Antonyms are words that are opposite in meaning. For example, fat is thin, crying is laughing, day is night. Petushkov, now give me your example.

Pupil Petushkov: Cat dog.

Teacher: What does the "cat-dog" have to do with it?

Pupil Petushkov: Well, how is it? They are opposite and often fight among themselves.

Teacher: Sidorov, why are you eating apples in class?

Disciple Sidorov: It's a pity to waste time during recess!

Teacher: Stop it now! By the way, why weren't you at school yesterday?

Disciple Sidorov: My older brother got sick.

Teacher: What do you have to do with it?

Disciple Sidorov: And I rode his bike!

Teacher: Sidorov! My patience has run out! Don't come to school tomorrow without your father!

Disciple Sidorov: And the day after tomorrow?

Teacher: Sushkina, come up with an appeal.

Sushkin's student: Mary Ivanna, call!

School teacher's day humorous scene fits best. Well, when else can you take it out on strict teachers if not during a comic performance? By the way, the teachers themselves can play their roles in this humorous school scene. Its script is very similar to the plot of one of the issues of the Yeralash newsreel with minor changes. Further you can familiarize yourself with it.

School humorous script script

The bell rings. Teachers sit at their desks in the classroom, like students. A student enters, introducing himself as a teacher.

Student. Well, who is ready to answer?

Physical education teacher(pulls out his hand). Can! Can!

Disciple (surprised). Gym teacher?

Physical education teacher. No, I'll go out.

Student. Sit! Children must not be allowed out in class! So, as always, there are no volunteers. Then the answer will be ... Geography teacher.

Geography teacher. Why me at once!

Student. Well, Miklouha-Maclay, tell us where the Black Sea flows. Do not prompt! Do not know? Ashamed! The third deuce in a row! Very bad.

Physical education teacher(pulls out his hand). May go out!

Student. What for?

Physical education teacher. And I'm in your ear. (Whispers.)

Student. Are you shirking your lessons again? Are you going to fun starts? It won't work, Alexander Petrovich! We have mathematics now. Mathematics is the queen of the fields.

Mathematic teacher. Not fields, but sciences.

Student. I know better! Answer, Lyudmila Pavlovna, what is the sum of the square legs?

Mathematic teacher. What legs?

Student. Do not know? Maybe you've never heard of the square hypotenuse? Two, Lyudmila Pavlovna, two! Come with your parents tomorrow! And you, Valentin Nikolaevich, why are you shining, everything is all right with your chemistry? Answer, at what temperature does the right angle boil? Do not know? Your troika ordered to live long! And you blew out the control, and you are bad with alkalis. So your card is a bit. For the second year!

Student. And what are these extraneous sounds? (Literature teacher chatters) But Irina Valentinovna will tell us in what year Pushkin wrote his bestseller Mumu.

Literature teacher. I forgot ... I taught, honestly ...

Student. And with what score the Canadians defeated the Swedes near Poltava?

The head teacher leafs through the fashion magazine.

Pupil (pulls out a magazine). He probably reads Pushkin. No, not Pushkin, “Burda” is leafing through! Stand up, Svetlana Yurievna! Dressed up like a disco! And put on my lips! You have to be more modest! Diary!!!

Head teacher. I forgot at home ...

Student. Have you forgotten your head at home ?! If you don’t bring the diary tomorrow, I’ll send it home!

Englishwoman. May I come in?

Student. Hello, Nina Alexandrovna, where did you disappear to? Did you drink coffee again? To the blackboard. Answer.

Speaks English.

Student. Two, Nina Alexandrovna.

Englishwoman. Why? I learned everything.

Student. Now we have not English, but MHC.

Student. No, my dears, this will not work. The end of the year is just around the corner. And you, students, grabbed two! This way you will never leave school!

This humorous scene is suitable for school, but for kindergarten.