How to Build Self-Confidence: Tips and Tricks. How to Build Self-Confidence: Useful Tips Self-Confidence Helps

We present a new column in which columnist Yulia Demina answers your questions together with the best psychologists. Write about anything that worries you in the comments, and our experts will try to help you.

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Russian women are the most beautiful in the world. It is a fact. Ask any foreigner. Confirm. But, despite the "beautiful cover", we do not know how to love ourselves. Of course, there are happy exceptions among us, but I'm talking about the trend in general. We are on diets, starving, injecting botox, pumping lips, cheekbones, butt, drinking liters of hyaluron, putting ourselves to a fig of restrictions and taboos, do not accept ourselves, all the time we want to be better than we really are. We are fixated on our imperfections. Despite all our advantages, we are not sure of ourselves. My friend is 30. With a height of 168, she does not weigh even 50 kg. But at the same time he considers himself disgustingly fat. Apart from the head, eyes and nose, there was nothing left. Melted away. But it is useless to say something ... Unfortunately, there are a lot of such deranged persons. Even when she is 40 kg, she will find something for which she "does not love".

Look at the French women. Seemingly ordinary, unremarkable women. A la nature. Do not sweat. But this imperfect styling, a minimum of makeup, a casual, simple style of clothing and such a strong inner core. And how he carries himself! How original! How much calm confidence in her! It is a calm confidence, and not an expensive window dressing. She seems to be over the situation ... And she is not interested in all sorts of glamorous things there. But at the same time, she is absolutely incredible. Or Italian ... "no - restrictions, yes - comfort." She is over 50, but the headband and short skirt for some reason do not look out of place. And at 75 - sneakers with a hat and natural makeup - that's it. Although on a Russian woman, all this will look ridiculous and comical. Because at 75 we are deeply elderly. First of all, in their heads. Such a mentality.

We are afraid of age. We are afraid of wrinkles. And we don't believe that even at 75 you can be a beauty. But you can. Even overweight - you can. It all depends on how much we love and respect ourselves. How interesting and comfortable we are to be alone with ourselves. I know women who, after the betrayal of their husbands, absolutely broke down, completely lost faith in themselves and in all good things. But they could have survived all this if, in addition to their husband and children, they had their own personal life, their own world, which could in case of something catch on and not lose the ground under their feet.

There are a lot of methods for increasing self-esteem and gaining confidence ... They all boil down to the same thing:

You need to accept yourself for who you are. Thick, thin, crooked, any. A person who loves himself, necessarily takes care of his health, leads an active lifestyle, develops, studies, works, does not whine, does not cry, but is responsible for his life, steadfastly accepts defeat. And don't be afraid of failure. Any failure is a chance to show your talent and rise again. Turn failures into opportunities.
Stop whining and complaining. You cannot find happiness with the mask of a victim! You are the owner of your life. And only you are responsible for it. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Only the one who does nothing is not mistaken. Forgive others. Don't build up grudges. And you will have spiritual harmony.
To engage in self-criticism and self-digging is a disastrous business. And in general, you do not need to take yourself too seriously, you do not need to demand and expect too much from yourself. It is important to remember that if we are gone, then the world will not change from this. In the morning the metro will also open, and people will go to work. Everything will be as before.
Choose your environment. If your friends make you feel guilty or inferior, say goodbye to them. It should be comfortable with friends.
Learn to say NO. And stop making excuses to someone all the time.
You don't owe anyone anything. And nobody owes you.
Watch your thoughts, do not let negativity into your head. Say affirmations if you wish.
Keep a diary of personal achievements for the day (perfectly presented new project, cooked a delicious dinner, etc., etc.).
Make yourself happy with something. At least once a day.
Get some rest. Develop. Enjoy. And remember: only a fool does not doubt himself. The main thing is that your doubts do not interfere with your life.
Don't get hooked on social media... Life on Instagram is beautiful, but far from reality.
Today everyone strives to be beautiful. Only the beauty has become the same. Cherish your personality.
And remember: it will not always be as it is today.

Now let's move on to the questions of our readers:

Katia, 20 years old, Penza

I have been very shy since childhood. Or I don’t know what it’s called. For me the problem is to ask in public transport: "Are you getting off?" I must muster the strength to speak to a stranger. Once I passed my stop, because, sitting by the window in the trolleybus, I could not ask the man sitting next to me to release me. I communicate normally with friends and family. What should I do about it? Maybe it's a disease? It seems strange to me myself ... I am very insecure

- This is how the wrong "I-concept" is manifested, that is, the wrong, negative opinion about oneself. Under the influence of this, a person increases the importance and significance of some of his shortcomings in the eyes of other people so much that he is afraid to be noticed, so as not to cause ridicule or condemnation of others. Moreover, the power of the imagination of this person is so great that it is capable of developing complexes that are completely baseless.

Fortunately, this can be corrected and your imagination can be directed in the right direction. You need to change your mind about yourself, create a new image of yourself in your consciousness, and this is being trained. My recommendation for you: pick an example of a woman you want to be like - it could be a famous, successful actress, businesswoman or someone else. Study her biography, look at her gait, mannerisms, character, how she dresses, communicates with people, etc. Then copy her behavior and image, change her hair, makeup, clothes, visualize, imagine that she is you. Feel her inner state - self-confidence. Play her role both externally and in feelings, emotions. Behave as this woman would behave, try to "live" in her image every day, every minute, until this image grows into you and becomes yours. Over time, you will feel like a "queen", you will develop your own individuality, constraint and shyness will disappear. There will be no trace of the previous behavior!

But in order to train the necessary image, it is important to do this every day for a long time - according to my observations, not less than three months, although you will feel changes in your behavior and self-awareness in two weeks. It will be difficult at first and your consciousness will sabotage and disbelieve. The main thing here is not to give up. Trust me, it works! Good luck to you!

Anna, 27 years old, Balashikha

I was dating a young man. And it seemed to me that he was in love with me. But at some point, strange conversations began. He told me such phrases: "All men are animals", "I have a sexual attraction to other women", "I need a girl with the appearance of Claudia Schiffer and the soul of Zemfira", "I don't love you." All this seriously crippled me. Nobody told me such things. From that time on, I stopped feeling beautiful and successful, as I once did. I don't believe in myself anymore. And I don't trust men. Generally. What do i do?

- Dear Anna, you have come across a manipulator man. Such insignificant men can raise their own value only at the cost of zeroing someone else's. They use manipulations from the category “I am worthy of Miss World, but for now there is no such person, and you’ll get off”, “all men are like that ... be glad that I’m with you,” “you, of course, nothing, but these are your ears,” etc. And the girls listen to these noodles, and their self-esteem elevator slowly descends into the basement. Thoughts appear that they are unworthy of the best and that everything must be done so that he does not leave. But aside from all this nonsense, what can you say about this man? Who is he to qualify for world class beauties? Is he a Nobel laureate, owner of a multimillion dollar business, a Hollywood actor? Who is he? The answer is nobody, just a pathetic loser, not even worth your fingernail. I think you yourself understand this.

I have a family doctor diploma, so I will speak like a doctor. Your relationship can be compared to a serious illness, as a result of which you have lost your memory. You just forgot who you are and what you really are. Do you know how to get your memory back? We must relive vivid emotions. Remember what gave you pleasure before, what made you feel beautiful, happy, what got you out of bed and charged for the whole day. Dancing? Go dancing. Music? Yes, at least beat the drum, until you feel the flight. Travels? Hop on the nearest bus and go ahead to new experiences. With each bright experience, you will break out of the old one and very soon you will feel confident again. And so that you remember everything, do not miss even the smallest details - write a letter to your future children on paper and describe in detail their mother, what advantages she has (forget about modesty) and what she achieved (five in the 3rd grade and the ability to cook borsch are considered). This story will be about you, so beautiful and worthy of the best.

You will succeed. I believe in you. And you believe that you can return yourself to your former self and a real man will appreciate it. Be happy.

Katia, 30 years old, Moscow

"I am a journalist. Two higher education(Faculty of Journalism of Moscow State University and Moscow State Pedagogical University), work on federal TV channels. Mainly engaged in social, political themes and the economy. His career was going well. At the age of 25, she led a large, serious author's program. When the company went bankrupt, everything had to start from scratch. It is useless to search for a job in our field by resume. Personal contacts only. And the competition on television is incredible. There was a time when it took months to find a job. And on the shoulders of the mortgage. And there were not so many people willing to help, there are people everywhere. In general, these were difficult times. Sometimes, I try into any program, and they don't take me, but a gay boy. Because the leader is gay. Or I get a refusal, and then I find out that the new presenter is the boss's mistress. No work experience, no specialized education. Anything has happened. But the work was somehow found. I made documentaries, stories, and hosted a business program. Now on maternity leave. In the near future I have to search new job... I don’t want to return to my former place. But during the decree, I completely lost my confidence. The child is almost a year old. I have a feeling that I have dropped out of life. And I'm scared. Where to get strength and how to believe in yourself again? "

- By all appearances, you are pre-configured for difficulties that may not happen. Therefore, the first thing to do is to calm down. As far as I understand, your previous place of work is waiting for you, so you will definitely not be left without work. Moreover, you have the ability to compare and choose. The child is not yet a year old, so, in search of a new one, better place you have at least six months, which is ample time. And most importantly: you have excellent data to find Good work... Your education and diversity of experience is truly impressive. Moreover, you yourself write that there have been hard times in your life, but there are successful experience overcoming difficulties. Why should it be different now?

I can assume that self-doubt and the feeling that life is passing by are associated with such troubles in the life of a young mother as constant lack of sleep, fatigue and lack of time for oneself. With this, to one degree or another, all women in maternity leave... Think about someone who might sometimes stay with your child to give you the opportunity to go out with people or just sleep. Believe me, having at least one day off a week can greatly change your psychological state.

Successful people are self-confident. While others are tormented by doubts and commit rash acts, a purposeful person moves towards the intended goal like an icebreaker. It is unlikely that you will be able to fundamentally remake yourself, but it is possible to correct the settings.

Self-confidence has always been synonymous with success. It is known that those who experience self-doubt have a lot of problems not only in their personal lives, but also in professional activity... It is more difficult for such people to succeed, their own opinion depends on the opinion of others.

Doubts in their own abilities make you fuss too much or procrastinate, commit rash acts, refuse advantageous offers or inactive. This article will answer the question - "How to gain self-confidence".

What is the manifestation of self-doubt

These are concerns about their own psychological and physical disabilities, low self-esteem, fear of public speaking, sweating hands, a lump in the throat and shortness of breath when meeting, panic in front of authorities, painful scrupulousness about the opinions of others, horror at the thought of being in the center of attention, guilt and shame for what is happening. Insecure people are not able to analyze a difficult situation, they are not able to make a responsible decision.

It is psychologically uncomfortable for an insecure person to live in a society of “other” people, it is difficult to communicate with ease. Consequently, it is difficult to adapt in general (in school or work, in business or career). An insecure person can be stressed by the need to respond adequately to the offender. All these disadvantages are not always present, but the presence of even some of them greatly spoils the psychological comfort of an insecure person in life.

Causes of self-doubt

Clinical researchers, personality psychologists, are convinced that self-doubt is hereditary. According to this "optimistic" theory, those born with self-doubt are doomed for life. Behaviorists believe that lack of communication skills hinders gaining self-confidence. Psychoanalysts see insecurity as an external symptom of an internal unconscious repressed conflict. Social psychologists argue that, like most other character traits, confidence building occurs during childhood.

So, just as it is impossible to give a single exhaustive definition of self-doubt, it is also impossible to give one answer to the question "Why are we insecure?" But whatever these reasons are, you can gain self-confidence.

Building confidence

Here are some tips to help you build confidence:

Do not blame my parents for all the troubles, they say, I was brought up like that: I was not praised, criticized, and I was not given the opportunity to show independence. Shifting responsibility for their problems onto other people, who, moreover, cannot change anything now (they brought up, as they could and as they could in those circumstances, return everything ten to twenty or thirty years ago and do it differently) , we become neither more confident, nor more independent, nor happier.

Therefore, let's admit the obvious: childhood is over, parents are educational work completed. Probably there were all sorts of things - both bad and good. Let's pay attention precisely to joyful moments(as an exception) and thank you for them. And let's move on, in accordance with our own plans and goals. If so far there are no plans or goals, we will focus on acquiring them.

Think back to the moment in your life when you were most confident in yourself and try to evoke the sensations that you experienced then. If it didn't work out very well, it doesn't matter. Try again and again. Try to cultivate this feeling through self-hypnosis and affirmations.

Stop any negative thoughts you have about yourself, and don't let them undermine your self-confidence. Unfortunately, many behave like thermometers. Their self-esteem, like a column of mercury, rises and falls in accordance with the temperature of the opinion of others about them.

When others have a high opinion of them, such people treat themselves well. Remember that no one knows our full abilities, therefore, it is important that you decide how you feel about yourself. Think of yourself as a winner. This technique is often used by professional athletes who constantly visualize their success.

Just as it is true that a person's inner confidence is reflected in his behavior, so the opposite is true: a certain behavior forms the inner feelings corresponding to this behavior.

Watch your posture, gait. Your poses should be open and expressive. Do not slouch, straighten your shoulders: gait should be straight and precise. With all your appearance, you should show that you are a very confident person. After all, the language of body, gestures and postures subconsciously affects us, our self-confidence. Just few people know about it.
Cast your voice (voice development exercises will help you). You must learn to control its entire range: from the lowest frequencies to the highest available to you. One must master the voice no worse than a very good singer. Control the timbre. In a conversation with your interlocutor, you need to be able to speak as softly when you are talking with a pleasant and interesting person, and tough when you need to defend your opinion or prove your case.
Watch your intonation. With the help of intonation, you need to be able to convey to others your mood, emotions, disposition, or, conversely, a negative attitude towards your opponent. With the help of intonation, timbre and pitch of your voice, you can not only impress others as a very confident person, but also successfully achieve your goal in a conversation.
Self-confidence will help you experience a magnetic gaze.
Find yourself a role model, someone you think has high level self-confidence. This can be a person from your environment or an on-screen character. See what you can learn from yourself.

These rules will help you gain self-confidence, following them, you will notice how your self-esteem literally grows before our eyes.

To achieve success in life, it is important to believe in yourself and not be afraid of difficulties. How to become confident in yourself? What does it take to develop this valuable quality? Let's try to figure it out and find the answer.

Psychologists say that self-confidence is a person's belief that he:

able to cope with life situations;
can find a way out of any difficult situation;
knows how to pacify fears and doubts that rage in the soul.

Many people think about how to become bolder and more confident in themselves, as they understand that shyness greatly complicates life, interferes with progress in career ladder and communication with the opposite sex.

Looking at successful people, it immediately becomes clear that they know what they want, easily overcome life obstacles and achieve heights in any business. It often seems that confidence is an innate feeling that only a select few have. But this is not true. This behavior is the result of self-improvement. The difference is that some people need to work more on themselves, while others need less.

The first rule of how to become more self-confident is to believe in yourself. But this requires grounds. Try to develop a few useful qualities that are characteristic of confident people.

Do not feel sorry for yourself, this is inherent only in weak insecure people.
Learn to respect yourself. Each person is unique, inimitable and has all kinds of talents. Challenge yourself to find qualities and behaviors that are worth being respected for, and develop that feeling.
Always maintain a flawless appearance and smile often. It's much easier to show strong character and confidence when your clothes, makeup and hair are in perfect order. People around you feel positive energy and pay attention to it. It raises self-esteem and self-confidence.
Try to fulfill yourself. You need to find something to do that brings satisfaction and joy. Favorite hobby helps to stand out from the general mass of people and achieve self-realization.
It turns out to cut beautiful dresses, knit, embroider? Your work will be admired and it will increase your self-confidence. You can blog, organize a shelter for homeless animals, play sports. People will definitely appreciate the achievements, and this will help to raise self-esteem.

The main thing is not to be afraid to start new life, change stereotypes of behavior. Stop putting up with a supporting role, and every day will sparkle with bright colors. It is difficult, but possible. Look back and count how many opportunities were missed, how many things you left unfinished, how many meetings you were afraid to go because of self-doubt. It's never too late to stop being shy. You can always muster up the courage and develop a sense of self-confidence that will help you gain the respect of others, become brave, and live a fulfilling life.

Step-by-step instruction

This information is often revealed by books on psychology, and they tell how to become self-confident especially carefully. Many tips bring real benefits and help in working on yourself. For any recommendations to work, it is important to set a goal and not deviate from it. This is the only way to become confident people.

Record your progress

This may seem strange to some, but the method actually works. Small successes are difficult to keep in mind, a person is embarrassed to talk about them, so he quickly forgets.

Buy a regular notebook and in the evenings write down the achievements that you have achieved during the day in it. They don't have to be grandiose. It could be a new hairstyle, a good store purchase, successful project at work, new acquaintance.

Periodically reread your diary to remind yourself of your successes. It gives confidence on a subconscious level. Gradually, you will notice that there are more and more achievements. One day you will realize that you have become a more confident person.

Fight your fears

To get what you want, you have to overcome obstacles. Children will not be able to learn to walk until they fall several times and get a couple of bumps. An athlete will not become an Olympic medalist without sprains and injuries. To gain self-confidence, you need to constantly do things that you fear.

Afraid to talk to a guy or smile at him, do it. It is difficult to read a speech in front of a large audience - overpower yourself and read it. It's scary to stand out from the gray mass of people - take a chance and stand out.

This will help you find a way to stop being ashamed of yourself and become confident. It will take patience as it is difficult to overcome fear. But each new achievement will fill you with confidence. You will quickly notice that shyness and discomfort disappear, you become calmer and braver.

No comparison

Self-confidence often crumbles to dust when a person starts comparing himself to other people. This should never be done. You immediately lower your self-esteem. If a girl is dating an interesting guy and looks stylish and well-groomed, this does not mean that she is a femme fatale and better than you. You see only the outer shell and do not know what life this lady really is, perhaps she doubts herself and her powers in the same way.

People are not alike. This does not mean that some are worse and others are better. It's just that we are all different.

Never mind failure

About how to become more self-confident, and advice from a psychologist, and books, and Internet resources are often told. They include important rule- do not dwell on failures. When something doesn't work out, don't berate yourself for it. Just analyze the mistakes you made and forget about what happened. If you delve into yourself for a long time, scroll through different scenarios in your head, next time it will become much more difficult to make an important decision. We all have failures. On them, a person learns to achieve success.

Criticism is not always good

Psychologists have long noticed that children who are often criticized grow up as insecure people with low self-esteem who find it difficult to succeed in life.

As an adult, try to avoid communicating with people who speak badly of you and criticize you strongly. Their negative emotions pull them down and significantly lower their self-esteem. If it doesn't seem to work for you, deep down you are still upset and worried. In such situations, it is better to forget about the trouble and say: "I am becoming calmer, I am confident in myself and in my abilities."

Change the way you speak

To become more confident in yourself, it is important to be on an equal footing with other people. Speak clearly, take your time, and do not show excitement and fear. Do not be afraid to be active at work, express your opinion, take part in the life of the team.

Develop your speech. This is the main communication tool. If it is inconsistent, try fixing the defects. For example, you can record your voice on a dictaphone, listen to it and try to correct the flaws.

Find like-minded people and communicate with them on topics that interest you. Carried away by conversation, you will forget about insecurity, speech will become clear, vivid, and over time you will learn to speak like that always.

Praise yourself

How to become a confident person? Praise yourself more often, encourage yourself. There is no need to brag to other people, the rules of good form do not allow it. Say that you are well done alone with yourself when you overcome the next obstacle. Think positively. This will help you gain confidence and forget about many complexes.

A self-confident person is betrayed by an even posture, a sense of humor and an open gaze. Tell yourself: "Stand up straight, straighten your shoulders, do not slouch." Keep your back straight all day and you will feel that your stiffness and shyness have diminished.

Joke more, don't hide your sense of humor. Laughter brings people closer together, allows them to be liberated. This is good way how to become sociable and confident.
An insecure person tends to avoid looking other people in the eye while talking. If you have such a habit, eradicate it.
When people doubt that something is up to you, don't get discouraged or withdrawn. Just ask for clear answers as to why they think so, and explain to yourself that you will definitely be able to handle it.

In order for a person to become self-confident, it is important not to look for excuses when you do not want or are afraid to do something. Get rid of this habit and boldly master new knowledge, work hard, read, communicate with people, travel. With each new success, self-confidence increases, the interest in overcoming obstacles increases in order to achieve great achievements.

Self-confidence means believing that your strength and ability are sufficient to cope with any task and problem that arises in front of you. This is the understanding that you look worthy in the eyes of the people around you.

A confident person knows that his desires are worth fulfilling, he knows that his abilities and energy are enough to achieve what he wants.
Without self-confidence, it is difficult to achieve your desired goals. It is difficult to decide on an action if thoughts arise in my head: “Can I do it? Am I worthy of this? Is not the task at hand greater than myself? "

As practice shows, what a person achieves often depends not on his abilities and talent, but on the strength of his self-confidence.

Therefore, it is worth taking the time to build up your self-confidence or enhance this quality.

7 tips to build self-confidence:

1. Competence

Try to be well versed in the issues you are doing. The more you know a subject, the more self-confidence you will feel. At least it will be confidence in individual issues.

2. Demeanor

When dealing with people, you, most likely, can easily determine whether this or that person is confident in himself or he is not confident in himself. The main signals for you will be his gestures, looks, posture, speech. Just as it is true that a person's inner confidence is reflected in his behavior, so the opposite is true: a certain behavior forms the inner feelings corresponding to this behavior.

Determine what behavior for you reflects the person's confidence. You can develop self-confidence by adhering to these qualities in your behavior.

Several universal properties of confident behavior can be identified. Gestures: body position is open, gestures correspond to speech in tempo and character. Speech: smooth, without haste, without hesitation, addressed to the interlocutor, of sufficient volume. Look: open, directed to the interlocutor. In addition, a straight posture and a firm gait are important.

3. Appearance

Your appearance should not make you think that something is wrong with you. Your thoughts reflect on your behavior and your insecurities appearance is likely to affect your overall level of self-confidence. This is a completely subjective question. If you are not satisfied with your physical form, do it in order to tidy it up. If you think your clothes are not right for you, tinker with your wardrobe so that looking in the mirror at your reflection can positively affect your self-confidence.

4. Role model

A person learns best from living examples. Find yourself a role model - someone who, in your opinion, certainly has a high level of self-confidence. This can be someone from your environment or someone who does not know you personally, but in such a way that you have enough material to study, including video material.

See what you can learn from yourself. Features of speech, gestures, views, approaches to clothing.

5. Activity

There is little that bolsters self-confidence with a positive outcome. When you wanted something, you were active in this direction and achieved a result that suits you.

This is a big topic and I will not develop it here. Let me just say that it is important to understand your desires and take actions to achieve them. It is important to correctly assess the risks and your opportunities. There will always be more negative results than positive ones, but this should not stop. A negative result should be a lesson. It is important to analyze your failures, draw conclusions, change yourself and make new attempts.

6. Find the reason

Identify the reasons why you need self-confidence. What will change if your confidence increases. Will your position at work or your relationships with others change? Reasons should be sufficient incentives to keep you willing to change.

7. Attitude towards others

Be considerate of others. If you see that your interlocutor is not being confident, try to cheer him up. This attitude will allow you, in turn, to develop more self-confidence.